I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My vagina is officially offended.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
