if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
