38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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