When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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