Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
