so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
