My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
