census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
