Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
