birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize