if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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