therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
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She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
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I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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