No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
