Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
