I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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