I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
