dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
