I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
