My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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