Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
