Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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