You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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