So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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