Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
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Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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