I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
