I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
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i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
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He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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