Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
