last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
