just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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