Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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