Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
