you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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