He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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