so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
