Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
