I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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