A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
