I wish I only lived at night.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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