Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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