I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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