this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Well I just put wine in my tea
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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