Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
