Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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