my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
