508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
