Betty ford says i'm here all night
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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