i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
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dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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