I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
