he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
