I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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