Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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