I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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