I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
