well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
