I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
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I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
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I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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