you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
