Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
