the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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