Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
