Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Those nachos came to me in a dream
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
