I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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