u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
