Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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