I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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