I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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