Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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