i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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