Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
