peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
