were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
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I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
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The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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